Third year semester 1.
I finished my exam. It's time to go out to the real world and start internship.
I was attached to KTPH for MS placement. Before that, we've heard of one legacy:
"If you survived ktph, you can survive anywhere."
Isn't that scary? Yes. I was scared by this! But being a student with a fresh memory on spine module and just passed the practical test under Audrey, I'm full of confidence that I can do well in this placement. And thus I'm excited to answer questions and start to see patient. But, maybe I'm too robust. I didn't really do well. I always get the feedback of "bad subjective assessment" not systematic, questions all over the place, missing secondary information and my tone especially.
Twas a tough time. Every time I finished seeing patient I'll get almost the same feedback from sups. If your subjective assessment is a mess, then your objectives and treatment is a waste.
I cried in front of them (so embarassing) after I got my first week eval. It's all failed except for professionalism. I'm doomed. How'd I survive and pass this placement? This is just the first attachment, there's two more ahead. If I failed this then how about the rest?! I panicked and worried every day and night.
I kept on asking God. And I kind of frustrating about it. Why God? Why you put me here? Isn't that you know my ability? Why put me here when I can't even meet their expectation! I was downhearted and depressed. Even though I share this matter with a lot of people and asking for help. But I'm still depressed and everyday thinking of how to improve more and more. But it's all in vain.
Then I joined the navigator camp in September'16. I think I made a good decision in joining this. It taught me a lot about how to encounter God and equip yourself with God's words. (Skip the lessons I learnt in that camp okay? Maybe I'll write another post in details about it). After joining that camp, I want to experience God and let go of everything. Rest in him. He's the faithful God who we can trust.
Trust in lord with your heart and not your eyyez and eclverything will be prepared for you.
Rest in him. All those who are weary can come to me for my yolk is enough for you.
I want to claim the promise! I want to rest in you and let go of things! Even though I pray about my placement and all the stuffs, but I still clinging onto it. I still handle by myself with my own wisdom and strength. I do not rely on God completely 100%. I do not. So I want to change. I pray to God and say
You're the faithful God. You're the God that can make the blind to see, make the deaf can hear and make the water turns into wine. Since I'm in health care setting and need to help patient to find their source of problems, Lord I need you. I need your healing power to help me in seeing patient. I prayed everything before I see the patient, pray for the wisdom.
But it's just unexplainable.
I just do the same routine, conducting interview, reporting results, do objective assessment and come out with diagnosis followed by treatment plan. I did the stuffs like I normally do. But just somehow, I found favor in supervisors eyes. They gave me the feedback that you've improved tremendously since week 1. At the moment, I'm just grateful to God and really don't know what happen. I've really done my own parts, doing the same thing everyday.
Hallelujah, Glories belong to God, He shows me his faithfulness and his miracle on me. He helps me to go through the tough moment. I finally came to understand every challenge God gave you is according to your limit, he won't abandon you. ()
Turn to God, not lean on your own understanding. A note for myself.
