SIT killing me

Completed undergraduate course, facing a dilemma whereby my life is an unknown for everything. Further study, relationship, career choice. Having a hard time waiting for the admission result from SIT. The struggle is real, never have I ever felt so distress in my past 22.5 years of life. *SIGHS*

Waiting for SIT result is torturing me, all the decisions for my future depends on this bloody result. Most (95% of my friends got offered into it already) but me? The word "Processing" stay constantly in the application status box. Unchanging status, make me mad and anxious. Even 2.72 also got offered, what about me? 3.14!!! Still processing! Perhaps my interview really did badly, perhaps I'm PR not Singaporean, perhaps my tuition grant bond issue... All these came into my thoughts wondering the status thingy.

I pray, constantly pray, waiting for God's commands. My heart really want to get into it, but I still need to obey God's will. His way is higher than me, so as his thoughts. I shall remind myself every single moment, put my utmost faith in God. Worship Him irregardless of the application result!

Lost with No Direction

Like a small boat, wavering on the ocean. Wandering where it will be going. Follow the wave, going into unknown parts of deep sea.

Congratulations! 🎉🎊🎈🎀 Just graduated with Diploma in Physiotherapy! I'm no longer a student physio! Can actually become a full pledge physiotherapist!

However...

In this juncture of my life, I am having a great dilemma. What's the root cause of it? SIT.

Seeing most of my friends have gotten the offer letter, even if their results are slightly worse than me (2.7 also got it; mime 3.14 still pending), I'm not comparing or being jealous, but I'm just worried for myself. This SIT admission thingy really got me into deep water.

Being jobless for almost 2 months, waking up in the morning with no calling, living a zombie life, wasting the times of my life.

I know I have to have faith and believe in God's leading. But sometimes I'm just tired of waiting, seeing the word "processing" make me even hard to face the reality.

Other than that, relationship thingy is another trouble for me.
I hope he doesn't read my blog; and if you do, please respect me.
No official status, we progress too fast, it's on a speed that I hardly feel any romance. Only Lust. A relationship driven by Lust.
I feel so pity, why would I be in this shit. I'm a high standard girl and suddenly broke down into a slut. WTH. I want a clarification, justice.

I am not confident in him. Feeling that he is not ready, actually both not ready, this relationship might shatter any point in time soon.

Just wanna grumble over here, talk about one of the lowest point in my life.

LOST.