长痛不如短痛
“两天一小吵，三天一大吵；这样的感情怎么公开？”
当爱淡了，剩下的只是习惯与不舍。
我们紧紧抓着，觉得事情必有挽留的余地，不至于终止辛苦付出的感情。
偏偏爱情很复杂，不是你我爱，妥协而能够经营下去。
很多时候，性格，习惯，以及兴趣也会成为阻拦者，把我们一一打垮。
当我们面对摩擦时，也许前几年会愿意为对方妥协，但是久而久之，我们还是有自己心中的那把尺来衡量对方。
还是有自己的要求、意见，不再妥协。从而导致，双方的心灵累了。
我不知道放手是不是一个好的建议，但是重新审查必定会带来益处。
毕竟，这个人，是你要共度一生的。
Friday, 13 July 2018
Monday, 12 June 2017
Alright
I guess… everything will be alright.
They will fall back to their own shape. Where they belong. And I believe that you're so gonna find another target in not much time. Good for ya. Bye.
They will fall back to their own shape. Where they belong. And I believe that you're so gonna find another target in not much time. Good for ya. Bye.
早晨 ：3
有时候 我真的觉得
<告白气球>
真的很甜蜜😊
歌词中提到..
“你说你有点难追 想让我知难而退
礼物不需要最贵 只要香榭和落叶
亲爱的别任性 拥有你就拥有全世界”
当然，还有其他属于我心有所属的浪漫情歌～
只是我不想说，因为 呵呵 我对自己说过(也对上帝提过) 如果那位是对的人，他会唱/提到那些虏获我心的歌曲😊，他会与我有同感😘 等待吧！至于这告白气球，太多人懂我喜欢！不行～我只要我的那位懂我。
告诉自己 你是值得被爱的，值得被疼爱的，直到被放在掌心，别妥协。
一个真正爱你的人是不会想伤害你的、是不会让你担心 害怕 受伤害.. 他会珍惜你，不让你落泪.
做任何事情会处处想你的感受
并不是在与你创造未来时，还在物色其他伴侣.
何苦呢？
Dont give in into an almost relationship.
Once you do, you're just hurting yourself. Girl, you deserve the best. Avoid convincing yourself that this toxic guy us the one you meant to be with.
No! You're the precious daughter of God! And you definitely deserve the best from Him. 😘
And through this relationship, I realized that I'm actually not ready/ not fit for a relationship. My behavior and my thoughts still don't change over the years. I thought I have, but in fact I couldn't.
I'm still in the extreme slot. Lack of insecurity, doubtful.
I really need to work on my emotional control.
**Sigh*
<告白气球>
真的很甜蜜😊
歌词中提到..
“你说你有点难追 想让我知难而退
礼物不需要最贵 只要香榭和落叶
亲爱的别任性 拥有你就拥有全世界”
当然，还有其他属于我心有所属的浪漫情歌～
只是我不想说，因为 呵呵 我对自己说过(也对上帝提过) 如果那位是对的人，他会唱/提到那些虏获我心的歌曲😊，他会与我有同感😘 等待吧！至于这告白气球，太多人懂我喜欢！不行～我只要我的那位懂我。
告诉自己 你是值得被爱的，值得被疼爱的，直到被放在掌心，别妥协。
一个真正爱你的人是不会想伤害你的、是不会让你担心 害怕 受伤害.. 他会珍惜你，不让你落泪.
做任何事情会处处想你的感受
并不是在与你创造未来时，还在物色其他伴侣.
何苦呢？
Dont give in into an almost relationship.
Once you do, you're just hurting yourself. Girl, you deserve the best. Avoid convincing yourself that this toxic guy us the one you meant to be with.
No! You're the precious daughter of God! And you definitely deserve the best from Him. 😘
And through this relationship, I realized that I'm actually not ready/ not fit for a relationship. My behavior and my thoughts still don't change over the years. I thought I have, but in fact I couldn't.
I'm still in the extreme slot. Lack of insecurity, doubtful.
I really need to work on my emotional control.
**Sigh*
Monday, 15 May 2017
SIT killing me
Completed undergraduate course, facing a dilemma whereby my life is an unknown for everything. Further study, relationship, career choice. Having a hard time waiting for the admission result from SIT. The struggle is real, never have I ever felt so distress in my past 22.5 years of life. *SIGHS*
Waiting for SIT result is torturing me, all the decisions for my future depends on this bloody result. Most (95% of my friends got offered into it already) but me? The word "Processing" stay constantly in the application status box. Unchanging status, make me mad and anxious. Even 2.72 also got offered, what about me? 3.14!!! Still processing! Perhaps my interview really did badly, perhaps I'm PR not Singaporean, perhaps my tuition grant bond issue... All these came into my thoughts wondering the status thingy.
I pray, constantly pray, waiting for God's commands. My heart really want to get into it, but I still need to obey God's will. His way is higher than me, so as his thoughts. I shall remind myself every single moment, put my utmost faith in God. Worship Him irregardless of the application result!
Wednesday, 10 May 2017
Lost with No Direction
Like a small boat, wavering on the ocean. Wandering where it will be going. Follow the wave, going into unknown parts of deep sea.
Congratulations! 🎉🎊🎈🎀 Just graduated with Diploma in Physiotherapy! I'm no longer a student physio! Can actually become a full pledge physiotherapist!
However...
In this juncture of my life, I am having a great dilemma. What's the root cause of it? SIT.
Seeing most of my friends have gotten the offer letter, even if their results are slightly worse than me (2.7 also got it; mime 3.14 still pending), I'm not comparing or being jealous, but I'm just worried for myself. This SIT admission thingy really got me into deep water.
Being jobless for almost 2 months, waking up in the morning with no calling, living a zombie life, wasting the times of my life.
I know I have to have faith and believe in God's leading. But sometimes I'm just tired of waiting, seeing the word "processing" make me even hard to face the reality.
Other than that, relationship thingy is another trouble for me.
I hope he doesn't read my blog; and if you do, please respect me.
No official status, we progress too fast, it's on a speed that I hardly feel any romance. Only Lust. A relationship driven by Lust.
I feel so pity, why would I be in this shit. I'm a high standard girl and suddenly broke down into a slut. WTH. I want a clarification, justice.
I am not confident in him. Feeling that he is not ready, actually both not ready, this relationship might shatter any point in time soon.
Just wanna grumble over here, talk about one of the lowest point in my life.
LOST.
Congratulations! 🎉🎊🎈🎀 Just graduated with Diploma in Physiotherapy! I'm no longer a student physio! Can actually become a full pledge physiotherapist!
However...
In this juncture of my life, I am having a great dilemma. What's the root cause of it? SIT.
Seeing most of my friends have gotten the offer letter, even if their results are slightly worse than me (2.7 also got it; mime 3.14 still pending), I'm not comparing or being jealous, but I'm just worried for myself. This SIT admission thingy really got me into deep water.
Being jobless for almost 2 months, waking up in the morning with no calling, living a zombie life, wasting the times of my life.
I know I have to have faith and believe in God's leading. But sometimes I'm just tired of waiting, seeing the word "processing" make me even hard to face the reality.
Other than that, relationship thingy is another trouble for me.
I hope he doesn't read my blog; and if you do, please respect me.
No official status, we progress too fast, it's on a speed that I hardly feel any romance. Only Lust. A relationship driven by Lust.
I feel so pity, why would I be in this shit. I'm a high standard girl and suddenly broke down into a slut. WTH. I want a clarification, justice.
I am not confident in him. Feeling that he is not ready, actually both not ready, this relationship might shatter any point in time soon.
Just wanna grumble over here, talk about one of the lowest point in my life.
LOST.
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
FYP Formation + Journey
FINAL YEAR PROJECT (FYP) a one whole
year project needs to be done in year 3 before graduating from NYP. It only
allowed 4-5 students in a group to work together and came up with final report.
Everyone in my class had started finding their group members.
Asking those possible FYP group leaders-to-be and 'chopped' the vacancy
immediately. My class had only 3 possible group leaders but their groups are
all fully occupied T.T
I was so panicked! It's the most important group project in my
entire 3-year life in NYP!
I tried to ask them but no more slots for me. =(
At this point of time, social networking is very important. BUT! I
don't really have wide network in this cohort! I everyday stick with my class
or rather with my own clique (5 girls with no possible group leader-to-be). An
unknown girl in this big cohort, how in the world I can approach those people
and join their group? And I heard that those remaining people who doesn't have
group will be standing in front of the cohort and let the group leaders to
choose whether can join in the group.
HORRIBLE. I dont want to be standing there and waiting for people
to choose me! Yet, I totally do not have any outstanding project work or skills
(people skill, communication, writing skill and so on) that can persuade other
leaders to bring me into their group! =(
I prayed anxiously and constantly.
"Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every
situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to
God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
God is assuring me. But I was still panicked
and cant stop worrying about this matter. I really do not want to end up in a
group of people that dont do work or no contribution.
And then, the one month clinical 2B
started. (Meaning that I have less chances to ask around in school.) I was
assigned to partner up with a guy from other class, JS. We don’t know about
each other, seldom talk as well. So basically we were fighting all the times
during our placement >.<|||
FYI, the last day
of clinical 2B will be the day to select and form FYP group! But 3 weeks
passed, still no results about formation of FYP group. I can only rely on God,
praying and asking for direction. Present my request to him and really hope to
be able to join a nice FYP group that can glorify him.
Time passed and it’s the
second last day of clinical. My partner suddenly talked about this FYP group
thingy and he said that he might be selected as FYP group leader but don’t know
who to choose to be his group members. I was like *WOAH hahahaha*. But, I am
not close to him and since he got so many friends, it will never be my turn to
be in his group I guess.
Skip the process part (HAHAH), but he
did ask me whether want to join or not. Even though is not like official ask,
but still somehow the message was like If you can pull WL into my group then
you can come along (=.=||) (Feeling like a complimentary gift comes with WL) But
I really can see that God has shown his way for me! The great chance of
grouping up with these capable people! I gave consent immediately without
further ado.
…2 hours before we gathered in school
for FYP groupings, MN texted me and asked whether want to join his group because
the members suddenly left his group and he cannot find anyone else to fill up
the slots. But I have already agreed to join JS group and willing to take risk
(cause it’s still not confirmed that he will be the leader yet), so I said
nope!
In the end, he was really chosen to be
FYP group leader and our FYP Paeds team was formed!
After going through this incident, I
can really see that God has his plan for me. Even though I may not see now, or I
may still feel lost in the journey of waiting/seeking, yet he is a faithful God
which I cannot use my own understanding to measure him.
Assigned me to partner up with JS and work together in clinical, know more
about each other’s style and finally God has shown his way and brought me into his group!
So do not worry, for God has his plan for you and me, keep in faith. Thank God for this amazing grace!
So do not worry, for God has his plan for you and me, keep in faith. Thank God for this amazing grace!
I shall reiterate this promise:
"Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Sunday, 29 January 2017
Once bitten, twice shy
So the story started like this.
Initially we don't know about each other, we are just acquaintance in Church. But we got closer (slightly) after joining Viper challenge 2016.
We even barely talked throughout the challenge. However, on and off, he would text me and ask hows life recently. Yes,i know. It's cliche. It's okay. But things got different on the day of my birthday.
He wished me and he called me. VIDEO CALL. He wanted to play birthday song for me with piano. I was so shocked! It's kind of romantic but more of heartwarming as someone willing to play song for me. Not like no one played before, but after being single for so many years and no suitor. Yea, I kind of touched. But I'm not that deep into it.
I don't know when we started to really become close. But I can only remember one incident is that he called me and we talked for about 2 hours. I don't know why but I just be Frank to him and had a deep conversation with him. I started to open up with him. Telling him my family, my ex, my views and my thoughts. Even my future plan. Which I only want to tell my future partner only. But I just open up to him and told him partially.
We texted almost everyday. He called me once or twice per week. But things get lesser and lesser in the past one week. I sensed something amiss. It's not like I like him or what. But it's just that good to have people concern about you isn't it? So I got used to his presence, his warm texts. Yes, occasionally he still text me but his reply after me was like one or two words. My heart turned cold.
What's more, he rarely text me for the past week. So I got that uneasiness.
Then this afternoon I heard from my roommate, she said that they went out tgt on her birthday night. The girl asked her whether free not at night cause the guy can fetch them and eat dinner yumcha. Then my roommate ask why would she know that he can fetch cause he seldom go out, then she said that they've been texting for few days then the guy asked her out as well. I literally freeze when I heard this. Okay, they agreed with the plan. He wanted to go fetch simyee first bc it's closer to his house. But then he said sorry he want to fetch that girl first cause she also hungry so scared she waited for too long. And they went to eat dinner first without my roommate cause she had her dinner with family already. Fine. But she waited for them like from 8 till 10.30pm. they had a dinner for that long. It was alright. None of my business, it's okay. So they went to watch movie and after that yumcha till 2.30am.
They talked about rumours in Church. One little boy in our church saying that there'll be another couple which will be the guy with either the girl or me. But cannot, he must choose in between the two. Cannot have both, if not the girls will fight. Ridiculous. I wouldn't want to fight with other girl, sorry. I don't want to fight. If he really loves me, why wouldn't he fight for me. Seriously. But what surprised me or hurt me is, his response regarding to this matter.
He said: it's okay, I'm already get used to this kind of rumours~ I am fine with spreading rumours with you or with Jennis. I'm okay come on! Last time during uni, I also don't understand why would I have so many rumours with girls!
Well. I'm truly shocked with his response. It was so irresponsible, so snobbish, so self-centered. I actually have some feelings towards him and i think it's because of his courage to talk to me. I'm moved by his courageous actions to call me. I'm moved by his initiation. But thank God that I prayed, so that I can see his true color and I know that he's not the one. But please don't mess with my heart.
I'd like to say I'm officially done with your shitty romance. Let's just be friend. God, lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil ones. Amen. Uoure the faithful God that always protect me from being harmed.
Initially we don't know about each other, we are just acquaintance in Church. But we got closer (slightly) after joining Viper challenge 2016.
We even barely talked throughout the challenge. However, on and off, he would text me and ask hows life recently. Yes,i know. It's cliche. It's okay. But things got different on the day of my birthday.
He wished me and he called me. VIDEO CALL. He wanted to play birthday song for me with piano. I was so shocked! It's kind of romantic but more of heartwarming as someone willing to play song for me. Not like no one played before, but after being single for so many years and no suitor. Yea, I kind of touched. But I'm not that deep into it.
I don't know when we started to really become close. But I can only remember one incident is that he called me and we talked for about 2 hours. I don't know why but I just be Frank to him and had a deep conversation with him. I started to open up with him. Telling him my family, my ex, my views and my thoughts. Even my future plan. Which I only want to tell my future partner only. But I just open up to him and told him partially.
We texted almost everyday. He called me once or twice per week. But things get lesser and lesser in the past one week. I sensed something amiss. It's not like I like him or what. But it's just that good to have people concern about you isn't it? So I got used to his presence, his warm texts. Yes, occasionally he still text me but his reply after me was like one or two words. My heart turned cold.
What's more, he rarely text me for the past week. So I got that uneasiness.
Then this afternoon I heard from my roommate, she said that they went out tgt on her birthday night. The girl asked her whether free not at night cause the guy can fetch them and eat dinner yumcha. Then my roommate ask why would she know that he can fetch cause he seldom go out, then she said that they've been texting for few days then the guy asked her out as well. I literally freeze when I heard this. Okay, they agreed with the plan. He wanted to go fetch simyee first bc it's closer to his house. But then he said sorry he want to fetch that girl first cause she also hungry so scared she waited for too long. And they went to eat dinner first without my roommate cause she had her dinner with family already. Fine. But she waited for them like from 8 till 10.30pm. they had a dinner for that long. It was alright. None of my business, it's okay. So they went to watch movie and after that yumcha till 2.30am.
They talked about rumours in Church. One little boy in our church saying that there'll be another couple which will be the guy with either the girl or me. But cannot, he must choose in between the two. Cannot have both, if not the girls will fight. Ridiculous. I wouldn't want to fight with other girl, sorry. I don't want to fight. If he really loves me, why wouldn't he fight for me. Seriously. But what surprised me or hurt me is, his response regarding to this matter.
He said: it's okay, I'm already get used to this kind of rumours~ I am fine with spreading rumours with you or with Jennis. I'm okay come on! Last time during uni, I also don't understand why would I have so many rumours with girls!
Well. I'm truly shocked with his response. It was so irresponsible, so snobbish, so self-centered. I actually have some feelings towards him and i think it's because of his courage to talk to me. I'm moved by his courageous actions to call me. I'm moved by his initiation. But thank God that I prayed, so that I can see his true color and I know that he's not the one. But please don't mess with my heart.
I'd like to say I'm officially done with your shitty romance. Let's just be friend. God, lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil ones. Amen. Uoure the faithful God that always protect me from being harmed.
Sunday, 8 January 2017
First Emo in 2017
Separating myself from the world for a little while.
Personal space. Personal time.
Cried a little. Tear glands activated. They accumulated in my eyes unknowingly.
Is it because my brother is married now? Is it because I feel lonely after this. Left me, on my own.
A lot of people congratulated me for having such a handsome brother or sisters. Having a family of pretties and handsomes.
But... I got no one to share my happiness. I'm a sensitive person. I am very concerned about feelings. I need someone to be there with me when I want to share my sweetness, bitterness or even jealousy.
Last night, a lot of people complimented me. Saying that I turned to a graceful lady. But, photots don't do justice to this statement. My photos are all so ugly. Why am I not photogenic at all?
Not about this issue. Why do I feel lonely easily these days...?
No answer. Still finding. When I wrote this thing, do I have someone in mind?
Yes. Him. But to be realistically, he doesn't match with me. I not sure. Even though I'm not those superficial kind of girls... Yet, I still have my own requirements.
But those fulfilled my requirements, I personally think that they won't like me. Or more of I don't deserve to be with them. Cause they are so fantastic.
LOVE. Tough. Rough.
I don't understand why I get emo right after the wedding. Too sensible? Because of the wedding I attended? When will be my turn? Waiting for God's guidance. Not only on my relationship, but also my career as well as academy.
Personal space. Personal time.
Cried a little. Tear glands activated. They accumulated in my eyes unknowingly.
Is it because my brother is married now? Is it because I feel lonely after this. Left me, on my own.
A lot of people congratulated me for having such a handsome brother or sisters. Having a family of pretties and handsomes.
But... I got no one to share my happiness. I'm a sensitive person. I am very concerned about feelings. I need someone to be there with me when I want to share my sweetness, bitterness or even jealousy.
Last night, a lot of people complimented me. Saying that I turned to a graceful lady. But, photots don't do justice to this statement. My photos are all so ugly. Why am I not photogenic at all?
Not about this issue. Why do I feel lonely easily these days...?
No answer. Still finding. When I wrote this thing, do I have someone in mind?
Yes. Him. But to be realistically, he doesn't match with me. I not sure. Even though I'm not those superficial kind of girls... Yet, I still have my own requirements.
But those fulfilled my requirements, I personally think that they won't like me. Or more of I don't deserve to be with them. Cause they are so fantastic.
LOVE. Tough. Rough.
I don't understand why I get emo right after the wedding. Too sensible? Because of the wedding I attended? When will be my turn? Waiting for God's guidance. Not only on my relationship, but also my career as well as academy.
Monday, 2 January 2017
CE 3A: FIRST PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH GOD
Third year semester 1.
I finished my exam. It's time to go out to the real world and start internship.
I was attached to KTPH for MS placement. Before that, we've heard of one legacy:
"If you survived ktph, you can survive anywhere."
Isn't that scary? Yes. I was scared by this! But being a student with a fresh memory on spine module and just passed the practical test under Audrey, I'm full of confidence that I can do well in this placement. And thus I'm excited to answer questions and start to see patient. But, maybe I'm too robust. I didn't really do well. I always get the feedback of "bad subjective assessment" not systematic, questions all over the place, missing secondary information and my tone especially.
Twas a tough time. Every time I finished seeing patient I'll get almost the same feedback from sups. If your subjective assessment is a mess, then your objectives and treatment is a waste.
I cried in front of them (so embarassing) after I got my first week eval. It's all failed except for professionalism. I'm doomed. How'd I survive and pass this placement? This is just the first attachment, there's two more ahead. If I failed this then how about the rest?! I panicked and worried every day and night.
I kept on asking God. And I kind of frustrating about it. Why God? Why you put me here? Isn't that you know my ability? Why put me here when I can't even meet their expectation! I was downhearted and depressed. Even though I share this matter with a lot of people and asking for help. But I'm still depressed and everyday thinking of how to improve more and more. But it's all in vain.
Then I joined the navigator camp in September'16. I think I made a good decision in joining this. It taught me a lot about how to encounter God and equip yourself with God's words. (Skip the lessons I learnt in that camp okay? Maybe I'll write another post in details about it). After joining that camp, I want to experience God and let go of everything. Rest in him. He's the faithful God who we can trust.
Trust in lord with your heart and not your eyyez and eclverything will be prepared for you.
Rest in him. All those who are weary can come to me for my yolk is enough for you.
I want to claim the promise! I want to rest in you and let go of things! Even though I pray about my placement and all the stuffs, but I still clinging onto it. I still handle by myself with my own wisdom and strength. I do not rely on God completely 100%. I do not. So I want to change. I pray to God and say
You're the faithful God. You're the God that can make the blind to see, make the deaf can hear and make the water turns into wine. Since I'm in health care setting and need to help patient to find their source of problems, Lord I need you. I need your healing power to help me in seeing patient. I prayed everything before I see the patient, pray for the wisdom.
But it's just unexplainable.
I just do the same routine, conducting interview, reporting results, do objective assessment and come out with diagnosis followed by treatment plan. I did the stuffs like I normally do. But just somehow, I found favor in supervisors eyes. They gave me the feedback that you've improved tremendously since week 1. At the moment, I'm just grateful to God and really don't know what happen. I've really done my own parts, doing the same thing everyday.
Hallelujah, Glories belong to God, He shows me his faithfulness and his miracle on me. He helps me to go through the tough moment. I finally came to understand every challenge God gave you is according to your limit, he won't abandon you. (1Cor 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.)
Turn to God, not lean on your own understanding. A note for myself.
I finished my exam. It's time to go out to the real world and start internship.
I was attached to KTPH for MS placement. Before that, we've heard of one legacy:
"If you survived ktph, you can survive anywhere."
Isn't that scary? Yes. I was scared by this! But being a student with a fresh memory on spine module and just passed the practical test under Audrey, I'm full of confidence that I can do well in this placement. And thus I'm excited to answer questions and start to see patient. But, maybe I'm too robust. I didn't really do well. I always get the feedback of "bad subjective assessment" not systematic, questions all over the place, missing secondary information and my tone especially.
Twas a tough time. Every time I finished seeing patient I'll get almost the same feedback from sups. If your subjective assessment is a mess, then your objectives and treatment is a waste.
I cried in front of them (so embarassing) after I got my first week eval. It's all failed except for professionalism. I'm doomed. How'd I survive and pass this placement? This is just the first attachment, there's two more ahead. If I failed this then how about the rest?! I panicked and worried every day and night.
I kept on asking God. And I kind of frustrating about it. Why God? Why you put me here? Isn't that you know my ability? Why put me here when I can't even meet their expectation! I was downhearted and depressed. Even though I share this matter with a lot of people and asking for help. But I'm still depressed and everyday thinking of how to improve more and more. But it's all in vain.
Then I joined the navigator camp in September'16. I think I made a good decision in joining this. It taught me a lot about how to encounter God and equip yourself with God's words. (Skip the lessons I learnt in that camp okay? Maybe I'll write another post in details about it). After joining that camp, I want to experience God and let go of everything. Rest in him. He's the faithful God who we can trust.
Trust in lord with your heart and not your eyyez and eclverything will be prepared for you.
Rest in him. All those who are weary can come to me for my yolk is enough for you.
I want to claim the promise! I want to rest in you and let go of things! Even though I pray about my placement and all the stuffs, but I still clinging onto it. I still handle by myself with my own wisdom and strength. I do not rely on God completely 100%. I do not. So I want to change. I pray to God and say
You're the faithful God. You're the God that can make the blind to see, make the deaf can hear and make the water turns into wine. Since I'm in health care setting and need to help patient to find their source of problems, Lord I need you. I need your healing power to help me in seeing patient. I prayed everything before I see the patient, pray for the wisdom.
But it's just unexplainable.
I just do the same routine, conducting interview, reporting results, do objective assessment and come out with diagnosis followed by treatment plan. I did the stuffs like I normally do. But just somehow, I found favor in supervisors eyes. They gave me the feedback that you've improved tremendously since week 1. At the moment, I'm just grateful to God and really don't know what happen. I've really done my own parts, doing the same thing everyday.
Hallelujah, Glories belong to God, He shows me his faithfulness and his miracle on me. He helps me to go through the tough moment. I finally came to understand every challenge God gave you is according to your limit, he won't abandon you. (1Cor 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.)
Turn to God, not lean on your own understanding. A note for myself.
CE 3B: Thrilling Placement
Lord, you really know me. Know my needs. Know my weakness and want to work on me to shape me to be in your image. Amen.
All things happen according to your plan.
So here starts the second attachment. This time: SGH.
Happily going to Cardiopulmonary (CP) attachment. this is the field that I aimed to be during my year 2. Maybe I watch too many doctors drama especially ER. Imagine I myself is the staff at er and able to think and act calmly under stressful situation. So I was quite interested in joining that field as it's thrilling and seeing patient in critical condition. Yeah. CP! ICU!
First day, quite chill. Discussed about the contraindication, precautions and investigation stuffs. I noted down and didn't revise it. 😣😣 straight to the point.
I actually experience God's grace again in this attachment. Truly surely very grateful to God. I breached safety barriers multiple times. But thank God. I learned from every mistake and don't repeat it.
-On the first week, I took the BP for my patient. Initially it was 88/50 then I took the second and it still around the same range. Then I thought it's fine since I was just gonna do bed exercise. No big deal. But then with the intervention going on, my patient changed position and I never take any BP thereafter. I walked him to toilet and came back and sat him down on the chair as he expressed he wanted to. Then he sat down and lowered his head. Me and my partner thought that he's just resting. At that point of time, my sup came into the room. Saw that patient lowered his head, she knelt down and patted on him saying "uncle, uncle" but yet no response received. She saw his face turned pale and unrolling of eyes followed by some minimal jerky movement of his hands. She quickly called on the nurses and everyone rushed in. The next moment, HE SEIZURE. Then the staffs were trying hard to transfer him from the chair to the bed. Because it's very dangerous in the chair, what if he fell down on the floor? Me and my partner were just watching by side. STUNT. NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON. The doctors asked what's the BP before during and after. But I can't answer any of them cause I never take the BP again.
My sup asked me out and said "I'm very unsatisfied with your patient's safety today. " not checking BP again after knowing that BP is very low initially and he's on fit chart but yet you dint check it after every positional changes. I'm scared. I totally blank. I thought it won't happen in my therapy service. But it happened.
- Second incident: I was reading case note in ICA (Intermediate care area) and it's about 1-month long and I fall asleep... then my sup asked me have you checked her blood test. I checked immediately and reported HB 5.5 previously 7.2. She asked me whether can see the patients or not. That time I was half-asleep and I said: YES. CAN STILL SEE. I literally can see her eyes rolling into white and she asked what's the cut off point for hb level? I can't answer. She said we discussed it on the first day already! I checked my little book and found 8.0! (Exclamation there to signify the importance but yet I dint revise it.)
She asked will you go and see the patient if I dint tell you about the cut-off point. I said yes. 😢😢😢
She totally has the very bad image on me regarding my safety performance.
- Third, which happened in the fourth week. You know how serious it is? Lecturer told me that every mistake u made before week 3 is uncounted but the actual evaluation will start from week 4 and 5. But, I saw the wrong patient! It's actually room 10 bed 1, but I saw the patient in room 9 bed 1! Both surnames are tan! I read the cade note saying admitted due to hypertension, premorbid independent ADL without aids. So I see my patient with my partner, my supervisor wasn't with us cause it's already week 4. (It took quite long cause she wad changung diapers) First thing when we saw my patient, we were like OMG SUCH A BIG SIZE WOMAN. It's okay, just continue with asking questions. When I ask the patient, she say she has been wheelchair bound for 8 years! Never walk before! I was like argh? Case note write independent ADL and able to walk ah! I thought of it and assumed maybe case note is worn info, so I chose to believe patient. Then I proceed to conduct objective assessment. I did all the bed assessment but before I moving on to my walking assessment which she already sit out of bed, she said she got the feeling of wanting to pass motion. Fine, I let her sit and do her business first. Then my partner went and ask for more informations from her daughter which sit inside the room as well. Then the patient just lie back down on bed first to do her business. While I was checking in her, her family by side talking to her, one physio came and asked us whether have we seen 10/1, my partner say NO, WE SEEING THIS.
Physio: oh good, so u see 9/, then I go and see 10/1. I was like WHAT? WAIT. THIS IS 10/1, WE ARE SEEING HER. but he just say thanks I will go and see 10/1.
I paused. Took a step back. I took out my phone and checked. Correct ah! My patient is 10/1! Then I walked out the room and see room number.
HOLY GOSH! IT'S ROOM 9!
Bead-sized sweats kept dropping on my forehead. I went in and told my partner, 完蛋了 完蛋了 wrong patient! Faster leave! I don't know what's her condition! Since she's in the bed just leave now!
My partner was like Jennis! Calm down! You need to at least took the BP of the patient before leaving and talked to the family! I cannot process, one thing in my mind is: LEAVE NOW. I just don't care and went outside. Then the physio knew and was laughing bitterly. He told my sup and I proceed to see my actual patient.
Even when you read/heard this, you may find it ridiculous and unforgivable. You may fail me for my safety. BUT MY GOD HELP ME, GAVE ME MIRACLE. you may say this kind of help is not good cause may harm the patients, but I ponder, God may want me to learn things from all the incidents. He want me to be alert and rmb all the mistakes and not to repeat it in future. Thank you Lord for your greatness and wonderful arrangement.
All things happen according to your plan.
So here starts the second attachment. This time: SGH.
Happily going to Cardiopulmonary (CP) attachment. this is the field that I aimed to be during my year 2. Maybe I watch too many doctors drama especially ER. Imagine I myself is the staff at er and able to think and act calmly under stressful situation. So I was quite interested in joining that field as it's thrilling and seeing patient in critical condition. Yeah. CP! ICU!
First day, quite chill. Discussed about the contraindication, precautions and investigation stuffs. I noted down and didn't revise it. 😣😣 straight to the point.
I actually experience God's grace again in this attachment. Truly surely very grateful to God. I breached safety barriers multiple times. But thank God. I learned from every mistake and don't repeat it.
-On the first week, I took the BP for my patient. Initially it was 88/50 then I took the second and it still around the same range. Then I thought it's fine since I was just gonna do bed exercise. No big deal. But then with the intervention going on, my patient changed position and I never take any BP thereafter. I walked him to toilet and came back and sat him down on the chair as he expressed he wanted to. Then he sat down and lowered his head. Me and my partner thought that he's just resting. At that point of time, my sup came into the room. Saw that patient lowered his head, she knelt down and patted on him saying "uncle, uncle" but yet no response received. She saw his face turned pale and unrolling of eyes followed by some minimal jerky movement of his hands. She quickly called on the nurses and everyone rushed in. The next moment, HE SEIZURE. Then the staffs were trying hard to transfer him from the chair to the bed. Because it's very dangerous in the chair, what if he fell down on the floor? Me and my partner were just watching by side. STUNT. NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON. The doctors asked what's the BP before during and after. But I can't answer any of them cause I never take the BP again.
My sup asked me out and said "I'm very unsatisfied with your patient's safety today. " not checking BP again after knowing that BP is very low initially and he's on fit chart but yet you dint check it after every positional changes. I'm scared. I totally blank. I thought it won't happen in my therapy service. But it happened.
- Second incident: I was reading case note in ICA (Intermediate care area) and it's about 1-month long and I fall asleep... then my sup asked me have you checked her blood test. I checked immediately and reported HB 5.5 previously 7.2. She asked me whether can see the patients or not. That time I was half-asleep and I said: YES. CAN STILL SEE. I literally can see her eyes rolling into white and she asked what's the cut off point for hb level? I can't answer. She said we discussed it on the first day already! I checked my little book and found 8.0! (Exclamation there to signify the importance but yet I dint revise it.)
She asked will you go and see the patient if I dint tell you about the cut-off point. I said yes. 😢😢😢
She totally has the very bad image on me regarding my safety performance.
- Third, which happened in the fourth week. You know how serious it is? Lecturer told me that every mistake u made before week 3 is uncounted but the actual evaluation will start from week 4 and 5. But, I saw the wrong patient! It's actually room 10 bed 1, but I saw the patient in room 9 bed 1! Both surnames are tan! I read the cade note saying admitted due to hypertension, premorbid independent ADL without aids. So I see my patient with my partner, my supervisor wasn't with us cause it's already week 4. (It took quite long cause she wad changung diapers) First thing when we saw my patient, we were like OMG SUCH A BIG SIZE WOMAN. It's okay, just continue with asking questions. When I ask the patient, she say she has been wheelchair bound for 8 years! Never walk before! I was like argh? Case note write independent ADL and able to walk ah! I thought of it and assumed maybe case note is worn info, so I chose to believe patient. Then I proceed to conduct objective assessment. I did all the bed assessment but before I moving on to my walking assessment which she already sit out of bed, she said she got the feeling of wanting to pass motion. Fine, I let her sit and do her business first. Then my partner went and ask for more informations from her daughter which sit inside the room as well. Then the patient just lie back down on bed first to do her business. While I was checking in her, her family by side talking to her, one physio came and asked us whether have we seen 10/1, my partner say NO, WE SEEING THIS.
Physio: oh good, so u see 9/, then I go and see 10/1. I was like WHAT? WAIT. THIS IS 10/1, WE ARE SEEING HER. but he just say thanks I will go and see 10/1.
I paused. Took a step back. I took out my phone and checked. Correct ah! My patient is 10/1! Then I walked out the room and see room number.
HOLY GOSH! IT'S ROOM 9!
Bead-sized sweats kept dropping on my forehead. I went in and told my partner, 完蛋了 完蛋了 wrong patient! Faster leave! I don't know what's her condition! Since she's in the bed just leave now!
My partner was like Jennis! Calm down! You need to at least took the BP of the patient before leaving and talked to the family! I cannot process, one thing in my mind is: LEAVE NOW. I just don't care and went outside. Then the physio knew and was laughing bitterly. He told my sup and I proceed to see my actual patient.
Even when you read/heard this, you may find it ridiculous and unforgivable. You may fail me for my safety. BUT MY GOD HELP ME, GAVE ME MIRACLE. you may say this kind of help is not good cause may harm the patients, but I ponder, God may want me to learn things from all the incidents. He want me to be alert and rmb all the mistakes and not to repeat it in future. Thank you Lord for your greatness and wonderful arrangement.
Last In-service
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
My proclamation upon this verse:
Indeed, we human cannot use our own logical thinking to understand His way, his plan. A lot of times when we are lost or encounter difficulties, we always ask God and question him for his plan. Thinking that maybe he left us or forget about our presence. Blaming him for the bumpy road that we are experiencing.
But it's all planned by him. He knows our limits, he won't give us the temptation that we cannot bear.
Similarly, I kept asking God why he put me under this supervisor who kept pressing on us to finish our ppt slides by third week which supposingly be presenting on fifth week. Why so rush? (I'm one of the procrastinator fyi). But I still obey to God and do my slides despite of my grunting and questioning. At last, I finished it with lots of uncertainties. But I'm still complaining for all these early stresses.
Until the past Saturday (10/12/16), I finally came to understand His plan for me. His great plan for me that I'd never ever thought of. My father was hospitalised for some reasons and we all family members are busy taking care of him, worrying about his health conditions. (Another fyi, the following week is the fifth week which would be the week for presentation) so if it was the 'old' me, I'd have just rush it over that weekend, probably staying in Singapore and do the slides.
However, God allow me to go back jb in peace as I have finished my slides earlier and just nice I'm able to help my father when he's suffering and send him to hospital.
How amazing it is! I finally understand why God put me under this supervisor and finish my slides so early (compared to the rest). If I didn't do my slides earlier, I'd have missed the chance of going back and send my father to hospital in time.
For God is so good that he has his perfect timing for us.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
My proclamation upon this verse:
Indeed, we human cannot use our own logical thinking to understand His way, his plan. A lot of times when we are lost or encounter difficulties, we always ask God and question him for his plan. Thinking that maybe he left us or forget about our presence. Blaming him for the bumpy road that we are experiencing.
But it's all planned by him. He knows our limits, he won't give us the temptation that we cannot bear.
Similarly, I kept asking God why he put me under this supervisor who kept pressing on us to finish our ppt slides by third week which supposingly be presenting on fifth week. Why so rush? (I'm one of the procrastinator fyi). But I still obey to God and do my slides despite of my grunting and questioning. At last, I finished it with lots of uncertainties. But I'm still complaining for all these early stresses.
Until the past Saturday (10/12/16), I finally came to understand His plan for me. His great plan for me that I'd never ever thought of. My father was hospitalised for some reasons and we all family members are busy taking care of him, worrying about his health conditions. (Another fyi, the following week is the fifth week which would be the week for presentation) so if it was the 'old' me, I'd have just rush it over that weekend, probably staying in Singapore and do the slides.
However, God allow me to go back jb in peace as I have finished my slides earlier and just nice I'm able to help my father when he's suffering and send him to hospital.
How amazing it is! I finally understand why God put me under this supervisor and finish my slides so early (compared to the rest). If I didn't do my slides earlier, I'd have missed the chance of going back and send my father to hospital in time.
For God is so good that he has his perfect timing for us.
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
Fist Personal Encounter with God
Third year semester 1.
I finished my exam. It's time to go out to the real world and start internship.
I was attached to KTPH for MS placement. Before that, we've heard of one legacy:
"If you survived ktph, you can survive anywhere."
Isn't that scary? Yes. I was scared by this! But being a student with a fresh memory on spine module and just passed the practical test under Audrey, I'm full of confidence that I can do well in this placement. And thus I'm excited to answer questions and start to see patient. But, maybe I'm too robust. I didn't really do well. I always get the feedback of "bad subjective assessment" not systematic, questions all over the place, missing secondary information and my tone especially.
Twas a tough time. Every time I finished seeing patient I'll get almost the same feedback from sups. If your subjective assessment is a mess, then your objectives and treatment is a waste.
I cried in front of them (so embarassing) after I got my first week eval. It's all failed except for professionalism. I'm doomed. How'd I survive and pass this placement? This is just the first attachment, there's two more ahead. If I failed this then how about the rest?! I panicked and worried every day and night.
I kept on asking God. And I kind of frustrating about it. Why God? Why you put me here? Isn't that you know my ability? Why put me here when I can't even meet their expectation! I was downhearted and depressed. Even though I share this matter with a lot of people and asking for help. But I'm still depressed and everyday thinking of how to improve more and more. But it's all in vain.
Then I joined the navigator camp in September'16. I think I made a good decision in joining this. It taught me a lot about how to encounter God and equip yourself with God's words. (Skip the lessons I learnt in that camp okay? Maybe I'll write another post in details about it). After joining that camp, I want to experience God and let go of everything. Rest in him. He's the faithful God who we can trust.
Trust in lord with your heart and not your eyyez and eclverything will be prepared for you.
Rest in him. All those who are weary can come to me for my yolk is enough for you.
I want to claim the promise! I want to rest in you and let go of things! Even though I pray about my placement and all the stuffs, but I still clinging onto it. I still handle by myself with my own wisdom and strength. I do not rely on God completely 100%. I do not. So I want to change. I pray to God and say
You're the faithful God. You're the God that can make the blind to see, make the deaf can hear and make the water turns into wine. Since I'm in health care setting and need to help patient to find their source of problems, Lord I need you. I need your healing power to help me in seeing patient. I prayed everything before I see the patient, pray for the wisdom.
But it's just unexplainable.
I just do the same routine, conducting interview, reporting results, do objective assessment and come out with diagnosis followed by treatment plan. I did the stuffs like I normally do. But just somehow, I found favor in supervisors eyes. They gave me the feedback that you've improved tremendously since week 1. At the moment, I'm just grateful to God and really don't know what happen. I've really done my own parts, doing the same thing everyday.
Hallelujah, Glories belong to God, He shows me his faithfulness and his miracle on me. He helps me to go through the tough moment. I finally came to understand every challenge God gave you is according to your limit, he won't abandon you. ()
Turn to God, not lean on your own understanding. A note for myself.
I finished my exam. It's time to go out to the real world and start internship.
I was attached to KTPH for MS placement. Before that, we've heard of one legacy:
"If you survived ktph, you can survive anywhere."
Isn't that scary? Yes. I was scared by this! But being a student with a fresh memory on spine module and just passed the practical test under Audrey, I'm full of confidence that I can do well in this placement. And thus I'm excited to answer questions and start to see patient. But, maybe I'm too robust. I didn't really do well. I always get the feedback of "bad subjective assessment" not systematic, questions all over the place, missing secondary information and my tone especially.
Twas a tough time. Every time I finished seeing patient I'll get almost the same feedback from sups. If your subjective assessment is a mess, then your objectives and treatment is a waste.
I cried in front of them (so embarassing) after I got my first week eval. It's all failed except for professionalism. I'm doomed. How'd I survive and pass this placement? This is just the first attachment, there's two more ahead. If I failed this then how about the rest?! I panicked and worried every day and night.
I kept on asking God. And I kind of frustrating about it. Why God? Why you put me here? Isn't that you know my ability? Why put me here when I can't even meet their expectation! I was downhearted and depressed. Even though I share this matter with a lot of people and asking for help. But I'm still depressed and everyday thinking of how to improve more and more. But it's all in vain.
Then I joined the navigator camp in September'16. I think I made a good decision in joining this. It taught me a lot about how to encounter God and equip yourself with God's words. (Skip the lessons I learnt in that camp okay? Maybe I'll write another post in details about it). After joining that camp, I want to experience God and let go of everything. Rest in him. He's the faithful God who we can trust.
Trust in lord with your heart and not your eyyez and eclverything will be prepared for you.
Rest in him. All those who are weary can come to me for my yolk is enough for you.
I want to claim the promise! I want to rest in you and let go of things! Even though I pray about my placement and all the stuffs, but I still clinging onto it. I still handle by myself with my own wisdom and strength. I do not rely on God completely 100%. I do not. So I want to change. I pray to God and say
You're the faithful God. You're the God that can make the blind to see, make the deaf can hear and make the water turns into wine. Since I'm in health care setting and need to help patient to find their source of problems, Lord I need you. I need your healing power to help me in seeing patient. I prayed everything before I see the patient, pray for the wisdom.
But it's just unexplainable.
I just do the same routine, conducting interview, reporting results, do objective assessment and come out with diagnosis followed by treatment plan. I did the stuffs like I normally do. But just somehow, I found favor in supervisors eyes. They gave me the feedback that you've improved tremendously since week 1. At the moment, I'm just grateful to God and really don't know what happen. I've really done my own parts, doing the same thing everyday.
Hallelujah, Glories belong to God, He shows me his faithfulness and his miracle on me. He helps me to go through the tough moment. I finally came to understand every challenge God gave you is according to your limit, he won't abandon you. ()
Turn to God, not lean on your own understanding. A note for myself.
Sunday, 6 November 2016
Is there but not there yet
Not over yet.
Even if my week 4 Eval done and receive positive commens. But don't be too happy okay? Cause final eval is not done yet! Still got 2 days! Which a lot of things can happen as well!
But really, a sigh of relief that I've done with my in-service. So I received the light compliment. As in not too bad for an entry level. But don't be too happy okay? Cause I couldn't have done it with my own strength. Lord really show me his power. It's really I can't explain! Really, He grant me the wisdom and spirit to do it. Thank God I really thank you. Cause I'm your daughter! I Love you!
So the story went on like this...
We've been told that we got in service on the last Tuesday of our placement. We have been given 5 weeks to think about what topic should we choose and discuss on. But as a regular procrastinator, I dint even touch it until the second last day of my in-service. But it's not because I don't want to do, just that inadequate knowledge regarding the condition and laziness and lack of interest then I try to avoid it. But the time is still tickling and is around the corner! I couldnt wait any longer! Must produce something! Even though is just 5% of the score, but yet it concerns about my credibility as a PT in future!
Then left the last day before Tuesday. I have only done 6 slides and is talk about those not important stuff. So I can only pray and believe in God to entrust him. With my own strength I would not be able to pull through the midnight slumber temptation and the struggle of organizing my thoughts. I reached home around 6pm and start my slides for about 2 hours then enjoy my dinner+bathe so spend about 2 hrs in total? Then I continue at around 10pm then the sleepiness starts to kick in. I cannot hold myself up and decided to give it a recharge and fall into slumberland. Oh before that I set my alarm at 2.15am! Cause I'm not even halfway of my slides. And I'm heavy sleeper, but I manage to get up at about 2.45am. Of course I pray to God for help. Really. I manage to wake up! And continue my slides all the way until 6am. Normally I woke up at 6.30 so means that I still got half an hour to go. So I just took a short power nap before I left. Then I left house around 6.50. Unexpectedly, it rained downpour and causing me to be late for KTPH. I reach there around 7.45 which means I got only 15mins of practice! MY presentation was at 8.30 but it started at 8! I don't even have a script which my partners they all have. 😰😵😰😵
No choice left with me. I can only cross my fingers and pray hard. So I prayed in tongue saying: God, please grant me the peace within me so I wouldn't be panic when I'm out there presenting. God, please use me and speak your words so that everyone can benefit from this presentation. And then it went on smoothly until all questions have been answered. I muttered of myself, thank God, I made it! thanks for your peace and calm and wisdom. then the teacher also went in the room and gave me a very sweet compliment. not only hat, he gave me a fair bit of results.
But what's most important is, I got it not by myself. Is from him. He's the God! The living God who trengthen me and uphold me through the thicks and thins.
Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
My God is a living God! rejoice! all he glories belong to him!!!!
Yes, I did share this story to my fellow clinical buddies. but their response were like: WHAT? YOU MEAN YOU'RE BEING POSSESSED BY GOD?! WHAT! SO YOU'RE NOT THE PHYSIO THEN HE'S THE TRUE PHYSIO LA!?
*fainted*
The story about presentation in CE3A finished 🎉🎊🎋🎉🎉🎊😊😊
More to up guys 😙 if I got the perseverance to write 😓
Even if my week 4 Eval done and receive positive commens. But don't be too happy okay? Cause final eval is not done yet! Still got 2 days! Which a lot of things can happen as well!
But really, a sigh of relief that I've done with my in-service. So I received the light compliment. As in not too bad for an entry level. But don't be too happy okay? Cause I couldn't have done it with my own strength. Lord really show me his power. It's really I can't explain! Really, He grant me the wisdom and spirit to do it. Thank God I really thank you. Cause I'm your daughter! I Love you!
So the story went on like this...
We've been told that we got in service on the last Tuesday of our placement. We have been given 5 weeks to think about what topic should we choose and discuss on. But as a regular procrastinator, I dint even touch it until the second last day of my in-service. But it's not because I don't want to do, just that inadequate knowledge regarding the condition and laziness and lack of interest then I try to avoid it. But the time is still tickling and is around the corner! I couldnt wait any longer! Must produce something! Even though is just 5% of the score, but yet it concerns about my credibility as a PT in future!
Then left the last day before Tuesday. I have only done 6 slides and is talk about those not important stuff. So I can only pray and believe in God to entrust him. With my own strength I would not be able to pull through the midnight slumber temptation and the struggle of organizing my thoughts. I reached home around 6pm and start my slides for about 2 hours then enjoy my dinner+bathe so spend about 2 hrs in total? Then I continue at around 10pm then the sleepiness starts to kick in. I cannot hold myself up and decided to give it a recharge and fall into slumberland. Oh before that I set my alarm at 2.15am! Cause I'm not even halfway of my slides. And I'm heavy sleeper, but I manage to get up at about 2.45am. Of course I pray to God for help. Really. I manage to wake up! And continue my slides all the way until 6am. Normally I woke up at 6.30 so means that I still got half an hour to go. So I just took a short power nap before I left. Then I left house around 6.50. Unexpectedly, it rained downpour and causing me to be late for KTPH. I reach there around 7.45 which means I got only 15mins of practice! MY presentation was at 8.30 but it started at 8! I don't even have a script which my partners they all have. 😰😵😰😵
No choice left with me. I can only cross my fingers and pray hard. So I prayed in tongue saying: God, please grant me the peace within me so I wouldn't be panic when I'm out there presenting. God, please use me and speak your words so that everyone can benefit from this presentation. And then it went on smoothly until all questions have been answered. I muttered of myself, thank God, I made it! thanks for your peace and calm and wisdom. then the teacher also went in the room and gave me a very sweet compliment. not only hat, he gave me a fair bit of results.
But what's most important is, I got it not by myself. Is from him. He's the God! The living God who trengthen me and uphold me through the thicks and thins.
Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
My God is a living God! rejoice! all he glories belong to him!!!!
Yes, I did share this story to my fellow clinical buddies. but their response were like: WHAT? YOU MEAN YOU'RE BEING POSSESSED BY GOD?! WHAT! SO YOU'RE NOT THE PHYSIO THEN HE'S THE TRUE PHYSIO LA!?
*fainted*
The story about presentation in CE3A finished 🎉🎊🎋🎉🎉🎊😊😊
More to up guys 😙 if I got the perseverance to write 😓
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Mid 2016
Time flies...!
I have already gone through both clinicals in-patient and out-patient for 1 month each!
March: Outpatient Setting
SGH-Camden
Fun and exciting one month at camden. Really enjoyed over there and learnt a lot. Outpatient really has a hectic life and challenging problems like need to think very fast and interpret while patient talking about his condition then come out with your diagnosis!
OMG dunno i can do that anot in future.
But thank God i passed my clinical there even though majority C1 but at least no NC! (GRATEFUL)
Partner also quite fun yet annoying (too much) but he actually brought a lot of laughs and happy during this placement. But seriously his attitude...............................GRRR...
Then ended up i join his FYP group which means we still stuck for another one year. No choice, God grant him as leader (DL). Let;s JIAYOU for our FYP! i know its tough...
April: Inpatient Setting
RenCi Community Hospital
The pace is so different at com hosp., so chill and relax. Patients are majority above 60y/o and i am very comfortable mixing with them! I like Geriatrics~~ haha
I missed my patients! Guess they should be discharged by now!
This time round is a girl partner and she's the type of intelligent student. Erm... not much interaction haha but ya thanks so much we survived that 1 month successfully.
Forgot to mention, i think...this in-service is the most lousy and unprepared presentation that i ever had so far. HAIZ.. cause of my procrastination and family matter which cause me unable to settle down and do it properly. Anyway, thank God i still managed to score 5. sth (Borderline of failure).
Okay, done with the writing. I supposedly writing my literature review right now but why am I writing for blog instead? Guess I wanna slack a while.... Later still need to go SGH to visit my mum cause she was admitted last night because of suspected appendicitis. Dad sent her from JB all the way to SGH. MUM please recover faster and omg medical expenses in sg is super exp!!
OMG i watched song joongki part of helping girl tie hair and shoelace and i was like AWWWWW...... <3 <3 <3 xoxo
HOPING a guy can relay that scene on me!!!! hahahahahhahahahah
such a warm guy~~
Okay.. time to hit the articles! Wish me luck!
I have already gone through both clinicals in-patient and out-patient for 1 month each!
March: Outpatient Setting
SGH-Camden
Fun and exciting one month at camden. Really enjoyed over there and learnt a lot. Outpatient really has a hectic life and challenging problems like need to think very fast and interpret while patient talking about his condition then come out with your diagnosis!
OMG dunno i can do that anot in future.
But thank God i passed my clinical there even though majority C1 but at least no NC! (GRATEFUL)
Partner also quite fun yet annoying (too much) but he actually brought a lot of laughs and happy during this placement. But seriously his attitude...............................GRRR...
Then ended up i join his FYP group which means we still stuck for another one year. No choice, God grant him as leader (DL). Let;s JIAYOU for our FYP! i know its tough...
April: Inpatient Setting
RenCi Community Hospital
The pace is so different at com hosp., so chill and relax. Patients are majority above 60y/o and i am very comfortable mixing with them! I like Geriatrics~~ haha
I missed my patients! Guess they should be discharged by now!
This time round is a girl partner and she's the type of intelligent student. Erm... not much interaction haha but ya thanks so much we survived that 1 month successfully.
Forgot to mention, i think...this in-service is the most lousy and unprepared presentation that i ever had so far. HAIZ.. cause of my procrastination and family matter which cause me unable to settle down and do it properly. Anyway, thank God i still managed to score 5. sth (Borderline of failure).
Okay, done with the writing. I supposedly writing my literature review right now but why am I writing for blog instead? Guess I wanna slack a while.... Later still need to go SGH to visit my mum cause she was admitted last night because of suspected appendicitis. Dad sent her from JB all the way to SGH. MUM please recover faster and omg medical expenses in sg is super exp!!
OMG i watched song joongki part of helping girl tie hair and shoelace and i was like AWWWWW...... <3 <3 <3 xoxo
HOPING a guy can relay that scene on me!!!! hahahahahhahahahah
such a warm guy~~
Okay.. time to hit the articles! Wish me luck!
Saturday, 16 January 2016
2016
Oh first post in 2016!
I just realised it and I didn't manage this account quite a long time huh..!
(For those annoying stalker please don't view my posts!!!! Do research on something else!!!) No offence here hehe cause recently some of my friends found out my Google circle account and omg I have never really revealed or told anyone about my blog stuff. It's meant to be my secret place to being anonymously even though I have linked to my fb but who will go and actually look into my profile?! Haha..forget it.
2016 right? So new year resolution will do the kickstart for my post!
-get slimmer
-get sponsorship
-get attached 😳
-more faithful and follow his path
-more radiant and graceful
-be analytical and brainstorm more
That somehow sums up my wish hehe.
Sigh, late night thoughts like seriously duh.
It's been 3 years since the last breakup. Ever since then I have never really fall in love with someone. Not to mention a bit of interest in guys. Indeed, I don't easily moved or touched by guys. I just don't have the feelings in them and I always distant myself from them. Perhaps I'm more mature now and don't want to have puppy love. Perhaps because of post-traumatic breakup with him.
He moved on.
Me? Still stand in the same square and did not move on yet. I've tried. Tried to chat with guys who kind of interested in me but no way I'm gonna waste my time and please him. I have a principle which is IF I DON'T HAVE THE FEELING IN YOU AT THE FIRST PLACE, I WON'T ENTERTAIN YOU IN THE END. Maybe we can be friend but yeah..just friend. Nothing much.
Is it my requirement too high?
I am praying. And still praying. I just pray that my real soul mate which selected by God can approach me asap. The baseline: Christian. And it's genuinely faithful christian. Some of my friends say I'm worried too much. It's only 22 you still have long road to go. Yes I know. But I am also human. When someone on fb or insta doing #pdf, the feeling...yeshh..and when I need a companion instead of my girlfriends... Oh here's the point, I dont even have a male friend to be my intimate friend at least someone to confide in. Research does shows that is better to confide in opposite sex friends. But I don't even have one. Maybe I need someone who think more mature than me. I need someone to protect me and dote on me...
Stop it.. Doing good work for your academic and clinicals first. Don't bother about #bgr!! God's has his best timing for us. You shall wait.
Anyway, happy monkey year!
Goodnight! 😊
I just realised it and I didn't manage this account quite a long time huh..!
(For those annoying stalker please don't view my posts!!!! Do research on something else!!!) No offence here hehe cause recently some of my friends found out my Google circle account and omg I have never really revealed or told anyone about my blog stuff. It's meant to be my secret place to being anonymously even though I have linked to my fb but who will go and actually look into my profile?! Haha..forget it.
2016 right? So new year resolution will do the kickstart for my post!
-get slimmer
-get sponsorship
-get attached 😳
-more faithful and follow his path
-more radiant and graceful
-be analytical and brainstorm more
That somehow sums up my wish hehe.
Sigh, late night thoughts like seriously duh.
It's been 3 years since the last breakup. Ever since then I have never really fall in love with someone. Not to mention a bit of interest in guys. Indeed, I don't easily moved or touched by guys. I just don't have the feelings in them and I always distant myself from them. Perhaps I'm more mature now and don't want to have puppy love. Perhaps because of post-traumatic breakup with him.
He moved on.
Me? Still stand in the same square and did not move on yet. I've tried. Tried to chat with guys who kind of interested in me but no way I'm gonna waste my time and please him. I have a principle which is IF I DON'T HAVE THE FEELING IN YOU AT THE FIRST PLACE, I WON'T ENTERTAIN YOU IN THE END. Maybe we can be friend but yeah..just friend. Nothing much.
Is it my requirement too high?
I am praying. And still praying. I just pray that my real soul mate which selected by God can approach me asap. The baseline: Christian. And it's genuinely faithful christian. Some of my friends say I'm worried too much. It's only 22 you still have long road to go. Yes I know. But I am also human. When someone on fb or insta doing #pdf, the feeling...yeshh..and when I need a companion instead of my girlfriends... Oh here's the point, I dont even have a male friend to be my intimate friend at least someone to confide in. Research does shows that is better to confide in opposite sex friends. But I don't even have one. Maybe I need someone who think more mature than me. I need someone to protect me and dote on me...
Stop it.. Doing good work for your academic and clinicals first. Don't bother about #bgr!! God's has his best timing for us. You shall wait.
Anyway, happy monkey year!
Goodnight! 😊
Wednesday, 4 November 2015
Looking back
I really hate deep night thoughts.
With the advance in technology, it has become our best friend but at the same time, it can be foe too.
Everything is just at our fingertips.
Search online and you can find the info from billions of datas.
But,
Sometime if you don't have enough perserverence, you might give in to technology and trace back your 'past injury'.
Like I did, 15 minutes ago.
I searched his profile again.
Everything is still private. Like seriously, I once doubted that he copied my way as I did before him. And yes, I now double confirm he surely follow my method. Haha.
Yes. Just is itching to find out his recent life.
And then I found out like usual lar, he's still going with his gf who met in Taiwan.
Fine. Don't talk about him.
What about me?
I also.. want to move on.
I also.. want to have a companion by my side.
I also.. eager to be loved.
(Gosh what am I writing.)
Corrected: I also.. want to be concerned.
My friends around me are getting bf or gf or even have opposite sex friends wooing or sending regards everyday or maybe thrice in a week. Not exaggerating.
But me? Not at all. Phone silent all the time unless there's group or class chat.
Ya. Not for personal thing and don't even need to mention about guys texting me.
So I did a thoroughly deep self reflection.
1. I changed. Since that day.
I realised that I'm no longer the girl who always smile genuinely at people from the bottom of my heart.
I just..have high ego since then. I think this is also one of my protective mechanism.
Cause I am scared to be hurt.. I'm scared to being cheated. I'm too afraid to face the world of men.
2. Extrovert -> Introvert
I'm back to those time. Primary school time.
Lack of confidence about my appearance. Ekeep thinking that appearance is everything but I have natural curly hair. Not those beautiful curl hair. Instead is the real frizzy curl hair which is not manageable.
So I care too much about people's opinions and the way they look at me.
I always think that I'm ugly so they don't want me or look down on me.
I know that I'm wrong. The fact is even though you're not perfect looking, they will still be friend with you based on your sincerity and your pure heart.
But maybe, perhaps, it doesn't apply in my current learning situation where most of them judge people seriously by the way you speak and look.
3. Can't really find the third cause for now I can only identified these two major problems. Well. Second one may be my biggest problem. I need to remember to treat people with heart and be kind and have courage. Familiar quote from cinder ell.
Ya. And I pray and pray and pray. Just pray.
Pray to God that I can meet my soul mate one day which arranged by God. Of course I pray the faster the better. But I know that God has his own timing. But I'm still human or gurl after all. Haha. Too eager. #GirlsProblem
Thanks for allowing me to pour out my grievance. Thanks a lot and pray more to God. Keep in faith. Amen.
With the advance in technology, it has become our best friend but at the same time, it can be foe too.
Everything is just at our fingertips.
Search online and you can find the info from billions of datas.
But,
Sometime if you don't have enough perserverence, you might give in to technology and trace back your 'past injury'.
Like I did, 15 minutes ago.
I searched his profile again.
Everything is still private. Like seriously, I once doubted that he copied my way as I did before him. And yes, I now double confirm he surely follow my method. Haha.
Yes. Just is itching to find out his recent life.
And then I found out like usual lar, he's still going with his gf who met in Taiwan.
Fine. Don't talk about him.
What about me?
I also.. want to move on.
I also.. want to have a companion by my side.
I also.. eager to be loved.
(Gosh what am I writing.)
Corrected: I also.. want to be concerned.
My friends around me are getting bf or gf or even have opposite sex friends wooing or sending regards everyday or maybe thrice in a week. Not exaggerating.
But me? Not at all. Phone silent all the time unless there's group or class chat.
Ya. Not for personal thing and don't even need to mention about guys texting me.
So I did a thoroughly deep self reflection.
1. I changed. Since that day.
I realised that I'm no longer the girl who always smile genuinely at people from the bottom of my heart.
I just..have high ego since then. I think this is also one of my protective mechanism.
Cause I am scared to be hurt.. I'm scared to being cheated. I'm too afraid to face the world of men.
2. Extrovert -> Introvert
I'm back to those time. Primary school time.
Lack of confidence about my appearance. Ekeep thinking that appearance is everything but I have natural curly hair. Not those beautiful curl hair. Instead is the real frizzy curl hair which is not manageable.
So I care too much about people's opinions and the way they look at me.
I always think that I'm ugly so they don't want me or look down on me.
I know that I'm wrong. The fact is even though you're not perfect looking, they will still be friend with you based on your sincerity and your pure heart.
But maybe, perhaps, it doesn't apply in my current learning situation where most of them judge people seriously by the way you speak and look.
3. Can't really find the third cause for now I can only identified these two major problems. Well. Second one may be my biggest problem. I need to remember to treat people with heart and be kind and have courage. Familiar quote from cinder ell.
Ya. And I pray and pray and pray. Just pray.
Pray to God that I can meet my soul mate one day which arranged by God. Of course I pray the faster the better. But I know that God has his own timing. But I'm still human or gurl after all. Haha. Too eager. #GirlsProblem
Thanks for allowing me to pour out my grievance. Thanks a lot and pray more to God. Keep in faith. Amen.
Thursday, 4 June 2015
Emotion
Emotion is something that cannot be controlled and subconsciously.
6th June 2015
I feel sad today as if fall to bottom of the groove. Maybe I'm over exaggerating but something really happened and make me cry over it.
='(
Results for Cardiopulmonary and Exercise Physiology has been released this morning.
Omg C for both subjects. I am sure I have studied these two subjects but maybe I never comprehend and understand and lack of revision and see what I get.
Results may be low but this is not the thing that trigger my mood to fluctuate.
😭😭😭😭
I permed my hair recently and I have phobia about this because it's my first time to try curl and it's not look good on me.
I tend to be very sensitive about people's comments and how they view me as I have bad memory back then during my primary school. I was often being bullied by classmates and they like to mock at me and gave me those nasty comments and even change my name into ugly Jennis, buck teeth Jennis and lots more. This had ruined me and made me has low self esteem.
And what makes me cry today is...
One of my classmate said my hair is like never shower before and just come out. Everyone laughed at me after that.
He's not referring to bad smell, but the frizzy dry hair I have. My hair very thin and it's clearly seen after bath but it become very thick and light and hair everywhere. It's look like after a boom or fire, and my hair is explosively stuck out.
I cannot control my emotion even though I really try very hard not to burst out but I JUST CAN'T. I wish someone can protect me by speaking up but I think no one will care about me as I'm just a minor person.
I wanted to say them but I cannot pull myself up since we're classmates and he's just kidding and I'm a foreigner.
If I get angry or talk about this issue, they may think that I'm too petty or I'm just a foreigner, I have no right to be angry.
I dunno... I just don't dare to say anything. I just sob over there and look at my book.
I can only cry out loud when I reached hostel. I really wish someone can console me and help me is like no one cares about me... I want my bro to help me but he also won't care about me.
"Mind your words, what comes out from your mouth not deliberately may hurt someone indirectly. "
It doesn't mean that this person very petty or cannot afford kidding , but this person has feeling too..
God,
Help me,
Guide me,
Lead me.
6th June 2015
I feel sad today as if fall to bottom of the groove. Maybe I'm over exaggerating but something really happened and make me cry over it.
='(
Results for Cardiopulmonary and Exercise Physiology has been released this morning.
Omg C for both subjects. I am sure I have studied these two subjects but maybe I never comprehend and understand and lack of revision and see what I get.
Results may be low but this is not the thing that trigger my mood to fluctuate.
😭😭😭😭
I permed my hair recently and I have phobia about this because it's my first time to try curl and it's not look good on me.
I tend to be very sensitive about people's comments and how they view me as I have bad memory back then during my primary school. I was often being bullied by classmates and they like to mock at me and gave me those nasty comments and even change my name into ugly Jennis, buck teeth Jennis and lots more. This had ruined me and made me has low self esteem.
And what makes me cry today is...
One of my classmate said my hair is like never shower before and just come out. Everyone laughed at me after that.
He's not referring to bad smell, but the frizzy dry hair I have. My hair very thin and it's clearly seen after bath but it become very thick and light and hair everywhere. It's look like after a boom or fire, and my hair is explosively stuck out.
I cannot control my emotion even though I really try very hard not to burst out but I JUST CAN'T. I wish someone can protect me by speaking up but I think no one will care about me as I'm just a minor person.
I wanted to say them but I cannot pull myself up since we're classmates and he's just kidding and I'm a foreigner.
If I get angry or talk about this issue, they may think that I'm too petty or I'm just a foreigner, I have no right to be angry.
I dunno... I just don't dare to say anything. I just sob over there and look at my book.
I can only cry out loud when I reached hostel. I really wish someone can console me and help me is like no one cares about me... I want my bro to help me but he also won't care about me.
"Mind your words, what comes out from your mouth not deliberately may hurt someone indirectly. "
It doesn't mean that this person very petty or cannot afford kidding , but this person has feeling too..
God,
Help me,
Guide me,
Lead me.
Tuesday, 2 June 2015
See You Again
It's been a long way,
Without you my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.
We've come a long way
From where we begin
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN.
Yeah, though I never loss my friend,
I can still feel the spirit behind this song.
Friends are important to everyone of us.
Nobody is an isolated island.
We need social we need attention we need friends.
Especially when you're studying or working on a foreign land away from your home.
We need them to help each other and to look out for each other.
(So many redundancy in my article, huh)
Well, unfortunately, I realised that in university, we make friends with a purpose.
We make use of them and find who's the greatest advantage for us.
It's all based on your value but not your heart.
It's distinctly shown when there's group assignment.
It's like tearing apart from usual clique and hunting down the best talents around the class or even cohort.
So, this is the real world huh...? I guess so.
Anyway, don't care about how people think, we just need to be more open hearted and be sincerity in making friends. Away from those negative haters which encourage you to spend time on useless things.
Behold, they are somewhere around you.
OPEN YOUR EYES AND HEARTS.
Without you my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.
We've come a long way
From where we begin
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN.
Yeah, though I never loss my friend,
I can still feel the spirit behind this song.
Friends are important to everyone of us.
Nobody is an isolated island.
We need social we need attention we need friends.
Especially when you're studying or working on a foreign land away from your home.
We need them to help each other and to look out for each other.
(So many redundancy in my article, huh)
Well, unfortunately, I realised that in university, we make friends with a purpose.
We make use of them and find who's the greatest advantage for us.
It's all based on your value but not your heart.
It's distinctly shown when there's group assignment.
It's like tearing apart from usual clique and hunting down the best talents around the class or even cohort.
So, this is the real world huh...? I guess so.
Anyway, don't care about how people think, we just need to be more open hearted and be sincerity in making friends. Away from those negative haters which encourage you to spend time on useless things.
Behold, they are somewhere around you.
OPEN YOUR EYES AND HEARTS.
Thursday, 9 April 2015
TERTIARY EDUCATION
It's been a year since I decided to embark on this journey
Let me introduce to you-
Future Physioyherapist
Im currently studying diploma in physiotherapy in Nanyang Polytechnic in Singapore.
NYP is the only institution that offers healthcare related courses. It's actually a 3+1 program which means 3yrs diploma and 1yr of degree convertion.
Get some idea?
Well, it's basically helping patients to maximise their mobility and improve their life standard especially post-surgery and elderly. (Rehabilitation)
So...stop all the flourish introduction.
My life here in Singapore. Well,overall is quite good except for that high expenses and tonnes of temptations.
Like seriously, good food,clothing and everything.
Although I've been going to Singapore since I was a child. But the experience is different cause I used to come sg with family for shopping! But now I'm staying over here,making local friends, blending into their circle,though there's no much of cultural shock but I suffered from mild depression at first.
Because the language wise, they use English as major medium in conversation but me(?) speak in Mandarin most of the time back in my country (I'm Malaysian!) and then I feel inferior and left out from the crowd. I felt useless and out of place as I cannot express my opinion or feelings as I want in fluent English.
I remember vividly there's one embarrassing thing happened in class. It's an impromptu short presentation and my clique pushed my out to present and I was shocked and stunted in front of the whole class. My teacher guided me throughout the presentation and once I got back on my seat, I Cried.
Tears rolled down on my cheeks drop by drop and I became the Centre of focus in class. So embarrassing. I was not crying I mean I was not crying bc of fear or anything,but it's a natural reaction that arose bc of the nervousness and worrying.
It's my very first time crying during presentation in front of the class. I never scare of presenting and in fact, I love to present.
So after the case, I was lost and needed someone to talk to me.
So I was confiding to my sister and she counselled me.
Thereafter, I became better 😊and relief.
Screw that English, it cannot be my obstacle in pursuing my dream! I can conquer this and just let'em laugh as I can learn from my mistakes and become better!
Thank you, Sis Chenna.
Okay done.
I'm writing for me myself 😉
Let me introduce to you-
Future Physioyherapist
Im currently studying diploma in physiotherapy in Nanyang Polytechnic in Singapore.
NYP is the only institution that offers healthcare related courses. It's actually a 3+1 program which means 3yrs diploma and 1yr of degree convertion.
Get some idea?
Well, it's basically helping patients to maximise their mobility and improve their life standard especially post-surgery and elderly. (Rehabilitation)
So...stop all the flourish introduction.
My life here in Singapore. Well,overall is quite good except for that high expenses and tonnes of temptations.
Like seriously, good food,clothing and everything.
Although I've been going to Singapore since I was a child. But the experience is different cause I used to come sg with family for shopping! But now I'm staying over here,making local friends, blending into their circle,though there's no much of cultural shock but I suffered from mild depression at first.
Because the language wise, they use English as major medium in conversation but me(?) speak in Mandarin most of the time back in my country (I'm Malaysian!) and then I feel inferior and left out from the crowd. I felt useless and out of place as I cannot express my opinion or feelings as I want in fluent English.
I remember vividly there's one embarrassing thing happened in class. It's an impromptu short presentation and my clique pushed my out to present and I was shocked and stunted in front of the whole class. My teacher guided me throughout the presentation and once I got back on my seat, I Cried.
Tears rolled down on my cheeks drop by drop and I became the Centre of focus in class. So embarrassing. I was not crying I mean I was not crying bc of fear or anything,but it's a natural reaction that arose bc of the nervousness and worrying.
It's my very first time crying during presentation in front of the class. I never scare of presenting and in fact, I love to present.
So after the case, I was lost and needed someone to talk to me.
So I was confiding to my sister and she counselled me.
Thereafter, I became better 😊and relief.
Screw that English, it cannot be my obstacle in pursuing my dream! I can conquer this and just let'em laugh as I can learn from my mistakes and become better!
Thank you, Sis Chenna.
Okay done.
I'm writing for me myself 😉
Thursday, 14 August 2014
It's been Long Time...
Hey,I'm struggling with my sem exam!!
I know myself better recently.
1)I'm a PESSIMIST.
2)I'm CREATIVE and INNOVATIVE.
(Always think beyond imagination)
As I spent most of the time which will never happen and I just create it in the air.
SUCKS.
I might not a good writer.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Thats all.
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